sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize