right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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