I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
