Moan for me like Helen Keller
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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