I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
