I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
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they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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