I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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