I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
