: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
