On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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