Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
that may or may not have been my penis.
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