Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
