she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
