you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is the high leading the old right now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
