wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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