It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
