News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
