You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
