is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
