dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
