I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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