Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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