you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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