why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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