someone owes me an orgasm
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
