All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
