a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
