I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
