I puked a lego.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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