I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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