Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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