i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
