Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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