need another drink. this is the easiest way
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
