I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
