dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
