she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
