It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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