I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
