I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my being single is dangerous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE