just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.