Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.