I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
