If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In other news, I just burned my penis
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Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.