I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
