You made me cry and you don't even care
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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