Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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