Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
love makes seman taste better
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
