Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
