Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
