i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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