Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
