I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
worst night to have a conscience
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i drank out of a bidet.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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