I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
