you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
