barbara walters just said penis...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
