I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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