I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
