There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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