I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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