Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
